MOONLIGHTING

IN THE 21ST CENTURY:

EPISODE 4: SEX AND THE THANKSGIVING BET

WRITTEN BY: Christie Taylor

TV RATING: PG-13

The camera slowly pans across as Terri takes a can of cranberry sauce out of one of the overhead cabinets. Mrs. Hayes checks the turkey in the oven. Stephanie stirs a steaming pot of vegetables. The camera continues to move into the living room where Richie, Mr. Hayes, David Addison, Sr., and Walter yell at the TV while watching football.

MADDIE (V.O.)

Thanksgiving. It’s a time to...

(Speaks out loud – moans)

slow down...

(V.O.)

a time to...

DAVID (Speaks out loud)

Chill...

The floor has some soap suds. The camera trails the suds up to the washing machine. Sounds of panting and rhythmic breathing are heard.

MADDIE (V.O.)

A time to reflect, to take note, to tell your loved ones...

The camera tilts up to show a tight close-up of Maddie and David (their heads in profile) seconds after they finish making love.

DAVID

(Looks deeply into Maddie’s eyes)

This is definitely something to be thankful for.

MADDIE

I can think of eleven people who will beg to differ.

DAVID

Don’t worry.

(Moves away from the washing machine)

I’ll pass the peace pipe to all those Pilgrims out there.

(picks up his shirt, which is located a few feet away from the soap suds)

... So.

MADDIE

(Still sitting on the washing machine)

So.

The camera follows David as he picks up Maddie's blouse.

DAVID

(Tosses Maddie her blouse)

Have you figured it out yet?

MADDIE (O.S.)

Are we still on this?

DAVID

C’mon, Maddie. You haven’t guessed what it is after all this time?

MADDIE (O.S.)

You said it wasn’t sex...

DAVID

Yup.

Another shot has Maddie buttoning the bottom two buttons of her blouse.

MADDIE

And it’s not lust...

DAVID

Uh-huh.

MADDIE

Not even love?

DAVID

Close, but that’s not what I was lookin’ for...

(Walks over to Maddie fully dressed)

Tell you what? While I convince everyone not to chop our heads off and roast us, you have one more chance to think about your final guess.

He kisses her then leaves the room. Maddie continues to button up her blouse.

MADDIE

While I’m thinking about that...

(She looks at the camera)

I’ll tell you why I... we managed to put ourselves in this position.

Maddie, Terri and Agnes are sitting back leisurely in their comfortable leather seats watching a movie on the High Definition TV.

MADDIE (V.O.)

It started innocently enough. I had just finished another hectic day. I thanked Terri for picking up the kids from school, for the third time in less than a week. Jamie came in and handed me her latest report on the Chapman case. She was ready to leave until I said...

MADDIE

Have a sit and relax. You’ve been all over town.

JAMIE

(Sits down next to Agnes)

Sure, I can take a load off for a few minutes.

TERRI

Got a hot date, huh?

JAMIE

My boyfriend is picking me up.

TERRI

I remember those days.

MADDIE

I try to forget those days.

AGNES

I know what you mean. All the wining and dining in the world doesn’t compare to tasting Bert’s meatloaf.

MADDIE

When David moved in, the only thing I expected to come out of the kitchen was smoke.

TERRI

Hold it. David can cook?

MADDIE

Well, I wouldn’t go that far. If our kids consider what we make is good enough to eat, I guess you can call it cooking. Besides, I'll be getting extra help since both of our parents will be arriving for Thanksgiving.

AGNES

Oh, Mr. Addison's parents are coming?

MADDIE

Yes, and it's about time. It's been a few years since the kids have seen their grandparents on their father's side.

TERRI

I'll help make the meal too if you want, Maddie.

MADDIE

Sure. I'll need as much help as I can get. The only contribution David makes are those pumpkin pies.

TERRI

You should be happy he does that much.

AGNES

I’d figure you’d hire a chef.

MADDIE

No, no. No more chefs. I swore to myself to never hire another chef as long as I live.

JAMIE

I guess that means my man won’t be invited to cook for any of your functions.

AGNES

Oh, you’re still dating him, huh?

JAMIE

Yeah, I can’t wait to sample his Thanksgiving feast.

TERRI

Sounds like you should be the one doing the inviting.

JAMIE

Well, not really. We rarely get through the main course.

AGNES

Too much food?

JAMIE

It depends on what you call food, Agnes.

TERRI

I envy you single people. You still have time to do what Walter and I used to do on a regular basis.

MADDIE

It’s funny, I used to complain that the work David and I generated in our bed was more than the work we had in our office.

TERRI

Was...? Just for the sake of being nosy, how much work are we talkin’ about?

MADDIE

(Gets embarrassed)

Terri?

TERRI

What? It’s just us girls. Nothing will go out of this room.

Jamie and Agnes cross their hearts to reinforce Terri’s statement.

MADDIE (V.O.)

Spilling my guts is never something I have treasured. But, somehow, with these people, I felt comfortable coming out of my shell... and that the room had four sturdy, soundproof walls.

MADDIE

Well... it’s not above the average.

TERRI

The average for married couples or for unmarried couples?

MADDIE

It doesn’t really matter now. All I know is we’ve hit a dry spell.

AGNES

How dry is dry?

MADDIE

It’s been a little over a month.

TERRI

That’s nice. Your dry spell is my average.

JAMIE

It’s not as if Walter is doing it... or not doing it on purpose. He travels a lot.

TERRI

Sometimes I’d like to be reminded we are husband and wife, not just roommates.

MADDIE

I’m so busy with putting all our new offices in order. He’s so busy dealing with more casework, not only here, but at the other location across town.

AGNES

Miss Hayes, you two will be fine. You’re just going through a transition process. Things will settle down.

MADDIE

What about you, Agnes? What’s your average?

AGNES

The number isn’t the problem. The problem is Bert treats it like something to check off his “to do” list before he goes to bed.

JAMIE

(Tries not to laugh)

You can’t be serious.

AGNES

We’re in a rut. We do the same moves, in the same position, at the same time... every week.

TERRI

Week?

AGNES

Yup, once a week.

TERRI

Even she’s getting more than I am.

The door opens. Everyone falls silent when David enters the room.

DAVID

Sorry to interrupt the gabfest, but... Maddie...

He signals for her to come to the door.

DAVID

Don’t wait up tonight.

MADDIE

But you said –

DAVID

Bert and I are this close

(He spreads his thumb and index finger about an inch apart)

to catchin’ this broad in the act.

MADDIE

Can’t Viola do this himself?

DAVID

Yeah, but that’s not the only reason for you not to wait up. I also gotta shoot over to the other office to see how it’s going with the security system.

MADDIE

What is this all about, anyway?

DAVID

Since September 11th, Patrick, you know, the manager at our other L.A. operation, he's been getting requests to upgrade the security systems he and the rest of our new security systems specialists, have already installed in several buildings. They're working ‘round the clock to make the necessary, and not so necessary safeguards. They’re making their first test run tonight.

MADDIE

So, what does that have to do with you?

DAVID

Umm, Maddie... I hate to tell you this, but... we now own the place.

MADDIE

I know, but do we have to get involved with every little thing? It’s like this business can’t move without us. Aren’t we biting off more than we can chew?

DAVID

It’s not gonna be like this forever. We’re suffering some growing pains, that’s all.

MADDIE

We’re suffering more than growing pains, David. The only thing we’ve been doing in bed is sleeping.

DAVID

(Holds her in his arms)

You think I’d prefer holding meetings instead of holding you?

MADDIE

No, I understand this is good for the company.

DAVID

Now, I don’t understand. Isn’t a thriving business is what you always wanted?

What was I supposed to say? For the first time I’m beginning to think... what’s good for the company is now bad for us personally?

MADDIE

Yeah, but I want you, too.

(David laughs more to himself)

What’s so funny?

DAVID

I’d never thought I’d see the day Maddie Hayes would be begging for it.

MADDIE

Begging for it? I’m not begging for anything. I’m just...

DAVID

Begging for it.

MADDIE

(Gets annoyed)

Think what you want, David.

DAVID

(Leans towards her)

I think about you all the time.

The door opens. Maddie and David move away to let Jamie out.

JAMIE

See you tomorrow, Miss Hayes. Mr. Addison.

She starts to walk away.

DAVID

Hey, don’t do what I wouldn’t do.

MADDIE

Jamie, for your own sake

(Jamie turns around)

please do what he wouldn’t do. If you get where I’m going with this.

JAMIE

I got it.

She walks away.

DAVID

(Confused)

Where are you goin’?

MADDIE

I’m going in here.

Maddie goes back inside the room. David follows.

DAVID

(To Maddie)

Well, I’m going out there.

(To Terri)

Whenever you get to see that hubby of yours, tell him to come around so I can remember what he looks like.

TERRI

I’ll remember to tell him.

DAVID

Oh, Agnes... tell Burt I'm on my way.

He walks to the door.

AGNES

Okay, Mr. Addison.

DAVID

(Stops walking and turns around)

By the way, Agnes...

AGNES

Yes, Mr. Addison.

DAVID

I liked the riddle you attached at the bottom of your e-mail this morning.

MADDIE

I enjoyed it myself.

DAVID

I enjoyed it so much, I decided to come up with my own.

MADDIE

(Shakes her head)

Uh-oh.

DAVID

Hear me out.

(Looks directly at Maddie)

I particularly think you’ll enjoy this one.

Who am I?

Maddie, Agnes and Terri have their heads tilted up to the ceiling as they try to come up with an answer.

MADDIE

What am I doing? I’ve never been good at this stuff. Who are you?

DAVID

I’m not gonna tell you. You have to figure it out.

MADDIE

At least I’ll have something to do while you’re gone.

DAVID

(Walks over to Maddie and kneels down to her)

Look, honey this will be my last stint as The Invisible Man. Tomorrow night, I’ll be home and I’ll get you to see things in a horizontal perspective, I promise.

He kisses her.

MADDIE (V.O.)

When his moist, soft lips touched mine, I wanted to get horizontal right there. But I didn’t want to look needier than I was... and David knew it. Sometimes I think his smirk is a better detective than he is.

MADDIE

You better.

DAVID

I’ll be even better than that.

(Gives her a wink, then turns to the door)

In the meantime, start wrackin’ your brain with my brain teaser.

MADDIE

There’s more than your brain I’d like to tease.

DAVID

You know what?

MADDIE

What?

DAVID

Begging becomes you.

Maddie throws a balled up paper towel at the door, but David closes it before the paper towel hits its intended target.

TERRI

How much you want to bet tomorrow night won’t happen?

MADDIE

What do you mean?

TERRI

Maddie, it’s three days before Thanksgiving. He may be home, but it won’t matter much when both of you go to pick up your parents and his parents from the airport, and spend time entertaining them before preparing Thanksgiving dinner. Oh... let’s not forget about Richie.

MADDIE

This hasn’t stopped David before.

TERRI

This was before you hit your dry spell.

(To Agnes)

Am I right?

AGNES

I'm not really sure. I've only been through it once.

JAMIE

Once?

AGNES

Once. But I was able to take care of it. I'm sure you will too, Miss Hayes.

MADDIE

But I’ve never seen or had one of these until now.

TERRI

You mean to tell me you’ve never –

MADDIE

Terri, sex is what got us here. Our bedroom is the only place we seem to agree on anything... well, we still haven’t figured out which is the best position.

TERRI

I bet you're not going to find out until after Thanksgiving... at best.

MADDIE

How much do you want to wager?

TERRI

Are you serious?

MADDIE

Why not? This is the easiest bet I’ll ever make. David without sex is like Thanksgiving without turkey, Christmas without Santa, Easter without the Easter Bunny.

TERRI

Okay, you’re on.

AGNES

What are you wagering?

MADDIE

Huh?

AGNES

What are you wagering? There needs to be something to wager for a wager to be worth something.

TERRI

How about the loser having to host this year’s Christmas party at their house?

MADDIE

I’ll go along with it.

(Looks at Terri)

I always have liked your cooking.

TERRI

Not as much as I like seeing you run around in your kitchen.

MADDIE (V.O.)

With a shake of the hand, I was ready to prove David’s insatiable appetite will defy common logic, just like the Indians. They cast their suspicions aside to help the newly arrived Pilgrims survive their first winter. In turn, the Pilgrims thanked them by giving a feast...

(Maddie starts to look uneasy)

before they were slaughtered.

AGNES

Let the games begin.

Little David and Ashley sit across from each other at the kitchen table. David fixes some bacon while Maddie fixes pancakes.

MADDIE (V.O.)

After seven, I mean, five restless hours of tossing and turning, I woke up feeling cheerful, feeling upbeat, feeling optimistic ... or just plain tried. Anyway, the only thing I was thinking of...

(She looks at David at her right; he is busy frying bacon)

was what I intended to receive in fourteen, I mean sixteen hours.

DAVID

Have you figured it out yet?

MADDIE

Figured what out?

DAVID

You know, the riddle I gave you.

He takes the frying pan, carries it to the table, and starts placing some bacon on all four plates.

MADDIE

The only thing it gave me was confusion.

ASHLEY

Hey, Daddy, I got a riddle.

DAVID

Okay, Ash. Lay one on me.

ASHLEY

Why is an island like the letter T?

DAVID

I don’t know. Why?

ASHLEY

Because it is in the middle of water.

Ashley and her father share a laugh. Maddie turns around to give Ashley a smile.

MADDIE

That was very good, sweetie.

Little David is not impressed.

LITTLE DAVID

You call that a riddle? It sounds more like a joke to me.

ASHLEY

I guess it is true about what they say. You are what you sound.

LITTLE DAVID

I know what you are, but what am I?

ASHLEY

Stupid for thinking I wouldn’t recognize that line from “Pee Wee’s Big Adventure.”

LITTLE DAVID

I guess you are what you think, too.

ASHLEY

You know you’re still talkin’ about yourself, right?

DAVID

Hey, hey, hey. We’re gettin’ a little carried away, aren’t we?

MADDIE

I believe it got started when you said the word, “riddle.”

She brings the plate filled with pancakes over to the table. She picks up the spatula, scoops a pancake and places it on Ashley’s plate. Then she goes counterclockwise to little David.

LITTLE DAVID

Which brings me back to my point.

ASHLEY

Don’t you mean your pointy head?

DAVID

Ash, that’s enough.

LITTLE DAVID

Here’s a real riddle, Dad.

DAVID

Go for it, kid.

LITTLE DAVID

Here on Earth it’s always true,

that a day follows a day.

But there is a place where yesterday

always follows today.

ASHLEY

Yeah, in the order you do your homework.

LITTLE DAVID

Shut up, Ash.

ASHLEY

No, you.

LITTLE DAVID

No, you.

ASHLEY

No, you.

DAVID

No, both of you.

He gets up to go to the refrigerator.

LITTLE DAVID

Did you figure it out, Dad?

DAVID

(Opens the refrigerator door)

Gimmie a minute to mull it over.

David starts reaching for something. Maddie goes back to the stove to make more pancakes.

DAVID

Got it.

LITTLE DAVID

(Gets excited)

The answer?

DAVID

No, the carton.

David takes out a half gallon of chocolate milk. He looks a little puzzled then starts shaking the carton. He opens the mouth of the carton and placed his mouth to it, but nothing spills out.

DAVID

All right, who’s been drinking my milk again?

No one says a word.

MADDIE

Okay, so I drank a few glasses.

DAVID

You? Since when did you switch to drinking brown milk? Next think you know, you’ll be bring home brown rice, brown eggs, and brown sugar.

MADDIE

It was the only thing left for me to drink.

Maddie walks back to the table to bring more pancakes for David and herself.

LITTLE DAVID

What about my riddle?

ASHLEY

You don’t drink riddles.

LITTLE DAVID

Finally found that out, huh?

DAVID

So, when were you gonna tell me, Maddie?

MADDIE

(Sits next to little David)

When I felt the need to.

DAVID

Which was?

MADDIE

Never. This is ridiculous!

DAVID

This is highway robbery!

LITTLE DAVID

This is not happening.

ASHLEY

(Shakes her head)

This is pathetic.

LITTLE DAVID

You don’t even know what pathetic means.

ASHLEY

But I know what it looks like.

David walks back to his seat between Maddie and little David.

DAVID

I was looking forward to sipping chocolate down my throat.

LITTLE DAVID

(To Ashley)

You make me sick.

MADDIE

(Calmly)

Before the thought rushes out of my brain... Davey, did you do your homework?

LITTLE DAVID

Mom, do roosters roost? Do moose moo?

ASHLEY

(Calm but annoyed)

Moose don’t moo, Cows do.

LITTLE DAVID

(Grits his teeth)

Thank you, Old McDonald.

DAVID

(To little David)

Don’t worry, you’ll get it next time... by the way

(little David turns to his father)

The answer is dictionary.

MADDIE (V.O.)

As David figured out his mental puzzle, I still had one of my own.

Agnes, Maddie and Terri sit at the kitchen table. Maddie is at the microwave oven.

MADDIE (V.O.)

Four hours and three one-hour conference calls later, I traded in my hot pancakes in a hostile kitchen for a lukewarm lasagna in a more friendly one.

MADDIE

It’s been five minutes.

TERRI

I’m sure it’ll be ready before the hour is up.

JAMIE

I don’t see what the trouble is.

TERRI

‘Cuz you’re not married.

JAMIE

I was talking about the lasagna, but I guess my sentiments apply here also.

MADDIE

Agnes, didn't you say you had taken care of your dry spell?

AGNES

Yeah, Uh-huh. I did.

MADDIE

What did you do?

AGNES

It happened when Bert worked on the Delaney case.

MADDIE

Oh, you mean the three-month man hunt? It must have been hard for you to deal with.

AGNES

Especially when he slept in his car because he was too tired to move. Anyway, I pulled out my secret weapon.

The beeping sound from the microwave is a nuisance Maddie wasn’t planning to put up with much longer. She presses the appropriate button to stop the noise and joins the others who are leaning forward at the table to hear Agnes.

AGNES

I dressed up as one of those dancers in “Chicago” and did “All That Jazz.”

Everyone else looked at each other as if to say, “What?”

TERRI

And this helped to get you out of a three month slump?

AGNES

(Has a far away smile)

Boy, did it ever.

JAMIE

(Shrugs her shoulders)

Hey, whatever works.

Maddie walks back to the microwave and takes out her lasagna.

MADDIE

Yeah, whatever works. Whatever it takes, go for it. And she indeed... went for it... and she got it.

She takes her seat at the table.

MADDIE (V.O.)

And I couldn’t believe it.

Maddie’s cell phone rings. She takes it out of her purse and listens to the voice on the other end.

MADDIE

David? What’s wrong with him?

(Everyone looks concerned)

Are you sure you have the right person? I’ll be there in about a half hour.

(hangs up the phone then looks at everyone)

I have to go.

She grabs her purse and is leaving the table.

AGNES

Is Mr. Addison all right, Miss Hayes?

MADDIE

Oh no... I mean, yes, Mr. Addison is fine. It’s our son. We have to meet with his teacher.

TERRI

What’s going on?

MADDIE

I need to go over there to find out, but first, I have to snatch David from across town.

JAMIE

(Teasing)

Uh-oh, both parents? This doesn’t look good.

MADDIE

Let’s just say, for Davey’s sake, he better be in trouble for defending himself against a bully.

Maddie and David searches through the hallway to find little David’s teacher’s room.

DAVID

Why couldn’t you do this on your own? I was in the middle of something.

MADDIE

You’re always in the middle of something. You’ve been in the middle of something for more than a month.

DAVID

What’s with you?

MADDIE

Want me to put it in a riddle?

DAVID

Listen, if this ‘tude you’re in is about what I think it's about, let me rest your fears right here, right now...

Maddie walks into the teacher’s room. David is a few strides behind her.

DAVID

There ain’t gonna be anymore late night stakeouts or late night anything.

(He walks into the room, but doesn’t know the teacher is there)

Therefore, our mission for testing the wear and tear of our headboard will no longer be impossible.

(Now realizes the teacher heard everything he said, he turns to the teacher)

It’s one of the new tests we're doing for Consumer Reports.

MADDIE

Hi, I’m Maddie Hayes. This is David Addison. We’re David’s parents.

TEACHER

Miss Hayes, Mr. Addison, I’m Matthew Rhodes.

The teacher shakes Maddie and David’s hand.

DAVID

Oh yeah, Mr. Rhodes. Davey used to talk about you a lot.

MR. RHODES

I’m happy you can squeeze this meeting between your busy schedules.

DAVID

Anything to ensure the welfare of our children.

MR. RHODES

Well, I’ll try to make this brief as I can.

DAVID

(To himself)

So, when does it start?

Maddie nudges her elbow into his arm.

MR. RHODES

This is hard for me to say. However, I must. Your son... well, while he’s doing excellent work in class and makes good marks on his tests... he has been missing many of his homework assignments.

DAVID

How many is "many"?

MR. RHODES

He’s missing about a month’s worth of work.

MADDIE

A month?

DAVID

A month?

MR. RHODES

A month.

MADDIE (V.O.)

Looks as if my son had a dry spell of his own.

MR. RHODES

I’m sorry I had to drag you down here.

DAVID

Nope.

(Getting up)

No problem at all.

MADDIE

What are you doing?

DAVID

(To Mr. Rhodes)

Where is he?

MADDIE

(Gets concerned)

David.

DAVID

Where is my son?

MR. RHODES

Half the school is outside playing. They're in recess.

DAVID

Where is it?

MADDIE

David, this can wait.

DAVID

No, selling Christmas albums before Thanksgiving can wait. This... can not.

He leaves the room. Maddie follows.

MADDIE

Do you even know where you’re going?

DAVID

No, but I have a hunch when I see a bunch kids jumping up and down for no reason, I’ll know.

Paul Simon’s, “Me and Julio Down By The Schoolyard” is playing. David walks in and is surrounded by kids who are running around him. David looks to see his son’s face. David walks up to several groups of kids to find out where he can locate his son. Maddie tries to catch up with him.

MADDIE

David, you don’t have to embarrass him.

DAVID

He already lost a month’s worth of cool points. This makes him eligible for public humiliation.

David spots his son playing basketball with a few other boys. David marches over there. Maddie tries to convince him that this is a bad idea, but David is not listening.

DAVID

I heard from a reliable source that you don’t do homework... can’t touch the stuff.

Little David stops dribbling in mid-court. The ball dribbles away out of his reach.

LITTLE DAVID

(Shocked)

Dad...! Mom!

DAVID

So, what you said this morning... about you doing it... it was a lie, right?

LITTLE DAVID

Dad... I...

MADDIE

Why don’t we talk this over, over there.

She points to an empty part of the yard.

MADDIE (V.O.)

I pointed to a vacant space, where it’s safe for David to yell, and safe for little David to get yelled at.

DAVID

You heard your mother. Let’s go.

MADDIE (V.O.)

Like the forefathers before him... my little Davey led the way to an unpopulated, place not knowing what will happen next.

Little David turns around and David starts asking many questions that little David wasn’t ready to answer.

MADDIE (V.O.)

Who would have thunk it...? Mr. Hellraiser, Mr. Rebel, Mr. Cool is doing an uncool thing. He's actually telling off his child in the middle of a schoolyard. The same schoolyard his child has to come back to and face verbal torture of a different kind.

(Maddie stares at David,who is still chewing out his son)

What is it with this guy? I’ve known him for almost two decades, and I have yet to figure him out. Some days, I want to wring his neck... other days, I want to lick it clean. These days, where our nightly activity has been limited to channel surfing, I’m leaning farther towards the latter than the former. I may have to accept maintaining and improving this strange relationship.

Prince’s “Strange Relationship,” fades up. Maddie continues staring at David. Prince’s lyrics as it appears on his “Sign Of The Times” album.

* The big argument scene in “What Maddie Wants”

* The “Intercom” scene in “Not So Private Eyes”

* Maddie hugs David after he prays in “After All These Years”

* Maddie confronting Autumn and David in “What Maddie Wants”

* They kiss passionately as they lie on their bed in “After All These Years”

ASHLEY (O.S.)

... Mommy!!

The music stops, and the screen dissolves back to the playground. Maddie looks down to see her frantic daughter.

ASHLEY

Mommy? What are you and Daddy doing here? You guys are ruining my rep.

MADDIE

Your rep?

DAVID

Short for reputation.

Maddie turns and sees David leading little David over to where she and Ashley are standing.

DAVID

You know, the one I might have single handedly ruined for this guy right here

(Looks at Little David)

And something I definitely don't want my daughter to lose.

LITTLE DAVID

Why does she get to keep hers and I don’t?

DAVID

Well, Ash wasn’t stupid enough to do what you did and there’s another reason, but you’re too young to know right now.

MADDIE (V.O.)

For a few of my kids’ anxiety filled minutes, they wanted to get away from their father as he continued to lay down the law.

MADDIE (V.O.)

Eight of my clock watching hours later, I wanted my husband to lay his body down on me.

David walks into the room, then dives on the bed landing on Maddie.

MADDIE

Owww! David!

MADDIE (V.O.)

This wasn’t what I had in mind.

She pushes, then rolls him over to his side of the bed.

DAVID

Don’t get so excited... no, let me rephrase that.

MADDIE

No, let me rephrase that.

Leans over to David. Places her hand on his left cheek and kisses him.

DAVID

(Whispers)

I love the way you pronunciate.

They kiss with more feeling.

MADDIE (V.O.)

On Thanksgiving, turkey replaces chicken as the preferred white meat... that night, I preferred the other white meat.

The sound of a car crashing in close proximity of their house is heard. Despite this, they continue to kiss.

MADDIE (V.O.)

I didn’t want to, but it was wracking my brain. David continued like nothing was out of the ordinary. At times, I admire his intense focus in satisfying his desire... and mine... but this wasn’t one of those times. So I asked him –

MADDIE

(Maddie breaking the kiss)

Aren’t you going to mention what just happened?

DAVID

You breaking our kiss?

(Moves in for another one)

What for? You’re giving your lips a rest.

MADDIE

No, what just happened out there.

She points to the window.

DAVID

Maddie, it took us a helluva lot to get here. I’m not gonna ruin it because some idiot forgot to turn on his signal light.

More disturbing sounds are heard. This time, the sounds are much louder.

MADDIE

We have to see what’s going on.

She gets out of bed and puts on her pink silk robe.

DAVID

But Maddie –

MADDIE

You think I want to do this? I just want to make sure I don’t have to call the police.

Maddie opens the door and begins to leave the room. David drags himself out of bed, grabs his terry cloth robe and follows Maddie out the door.

Maddie walks briskly down the spiral staircase. Her robe flows right in front of David. They reach the front door. She turns the knob and pulls, but the door is stuck. She gets more frustrated with each pull. David casually waves her off so she can step back. He non-chalantly turns the key, unhooks the latch, and opens the door. He gestures for her to lead the way. She puts her hands on her hips and sighs in protest. He gives her a silly grin and walks out the door. Maddie follows. A second later, Ashley and little David race down the stairs in their pajamas.

ASHLEY

Fight! Fight!

LITTLE DAVID

How do you know?

ASHLEY

I saw it out of my window.

LITTLE DAVID

About time something exciting is happening around here. Who started it?

ASHLEY

They were too far away. But I do know some bonehead rear-ended somebody’s car.

LITTLE DAVID

What a retard.

They reach the bottom of the stairs and are now heading for the door. The phone rings. Little David is contemplating whether he should answer it.

ASHLEY

C’mon! It’s another one of those annoying telemarketers.

LITTLE DAVID

At this time of night?

ASHLEY

Come on!

She pulls him by the hand as they run to the door. The phone continues to ring. The camera slowly moves from Ashley and little David running out the door to the phone, which sits on one of the tables next to a lamp. When the answering machine picks up after the third ring, the camera zooms onto the phone.

DAVID (Outgoing Message)

You’ve reached the house formerly owned by Maddie Hayes, which is owned by the Addison family. Don’t worry, we couldn’t kick her out, she came with the place...

MADDIE (Outgoing Message)

David...

DAVID (Outgoing Message)

Anyway, we’re not in, but if you waited this long for the beep, you might was well say what you want.

Sound of the beep.

DAVID, SR. (On Machine)

Hey, blockhead! This is the man formerly known as your father. Where the hell are you? Steph and I have been waiting in this damn airport for two hours! Please see to it that you get this message, or I’ll hop in a cab, have it cruise all around town, drop by your place, and have you pay for it...! And before you do what you should have done, make sure you bring your brother.

A click is heard followed by a dial tone.

A still image of the title is showing. An abbreviated version of the theme is being used. Maddie and David's voices are in voice over.

DAVID

Yes, we know turkey day is long gone, but stick around. We still have half a show left.

A still image of the title is showing. An abbreviated version of the theme is being used. Maddie and David's voices are in voice over.

DAVID

Thanks for stickin' around. You'll be glad you did.

Two men continue fighing and crashing into everything around them. David comes up to both men and struggles to break it up. He manages to put his hands on one of them. Maddie moves in on the other man. She shoves him hard into the gate. David focuses on holding back his half of the brawling pair. Maddie’s eyes can't believe who is before her; she recognizes the man she shoved. It’s Richie. She taps David on the shoulder and points over to the gate.

DAVID

Richie, what the hell are you doing!?

RICHIE

(Gasping for breath)

I swear, I didn’t see him!

MAN

The hell you didn’t! You were right behind me!

LITTLE DAVID (O.S.)

The bonehead is Uncle Richie?

ASHLEY (O.S.)

And the retard?

Everyone turns around to see Ashley and Little David a few feet behind them.

MADDIE

What?

She turns her attention back to Richie.

MADDIE

Richie, what are you doing here?

DAVID

And why am I holding this guy from knocking you senseless... as if you had any sense left to lose.

MAN

He rammed into me!

RICHIE

I had good reason.

DAVID

(Sneers)

This I gotta hear.

RICHIE

I’m here to tell you about Dad and Stephanie.

DAVID

What about them?

RICHIE

What about them? They’re waiting at the airport.

(Maddie and David are startled)

Waiting... for two hours.

DAVID

They're here...? Tonight!

RICHIE

Yeah, tonight? Why wouldn't they be here tonight?

DAVID

Because I thought they were coming tomorrow night.

MADDIE

No, my parents are coming tomorrow night.

DAVID

(To Maddie)

Tomorrow night...?

(To Richie)

Tonight...? Why did you tell me sooner?

MAN

He could have, if he didn’t ram into my car.

DAVID

(He turns to face the man)

Listen, I’ll get the number to my brother’s insurance company.

(To Richie)

Yo, Rich. What’s the name of your insurance company?

RICHIE

(Looks Confused)

What insurance company?

DAVID

What insurance...?

(To man)

I’ll write you a check.

(He searches his robe for a pen; To Richie)

You got a pen?

RICHIE

What pen?

ASHLEY

I’ll get one, Daddy.

DAVID

While you’re getting it, put it in your backpack and get into bed.... Take your brother with you.

ASHLEY

But –

DAVID

(Sternly)

Move.

RICHIE

Not until they give their Uncle Richie a hug.

(Ashley and Little David walk up to Richie and hug him.)

Now, go on. Do what your father says. I know I’ll have to.

Richie watches his niece and nephew walk back to the house.

MADDIE (V.O.)

Despite knowing my in-laws are stuck at the airport, I couldn’t stop thinking about what David and I could have been doing at that moment.

RICHIE

Cute kids.

MAN

Excuse me...?

DAVID

They’d be even cuter if you came around more.

RICHIE

Dave.

MAN

Excuse me...?

DAVID

Look, I cut Dad and Stephanie some slack since they live on the opposite side of the country. You’re only live on the opposite side of the city.

RICHIE

I’m here now, aren’t I?

MAN

Excuse me...!

DAVID

And so is he, thanks to you.

(Points to the man then turns to him)

Look, come by tomorrow. I’ll fork up the dough. You already know where I live.

MAN

That’s all I needed to know.

The guy calms down and David can now let go of him. The man still glares at Richie, but he slowly gets back into his car, starts the engine, and drives away. One of the tale lights and rear bumper of his BMW falls off as he continues driving away from the house.

MADDIE

Okay, why are we still standing here?

RICHIE

We have to go to the airport.

DAVID

Right.

(walks to Richie’s car then stops and turns around)

Wait, you have a car. Why didn’t you pick them up?

RICHIE

Dave, I couldn’t. I only have enough gas to get me here.

(David sighs in frustration)

And maybe... probably... perhaps... I can stay for the night.

DAVID

What's the story?

RICHIE

What story?

DAVID

The story, Rich. The story that will prevent me from saying no.

RICHIE

Well, my apartment... you know...

DAVID

No, I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking.

RICHIE

It’s . . . kinda –

LITTLE DAVID

Dad?

DAVID

(Turns around to see little David)

Get inside.

LITTLE DAVID

But Dad?

DAVID

I don’t see you leaving.

ASHLEY

Granddad hasn’t seen you either.

(Everyone looks at Ashley; To little David)

You really gotta learn how to get to the point.

LITTLE DAVID

Grandpa left a message.

ASHLEY

And he was pretty mad.

DAVID

Do me a favor, Rich?

RICHIE

Anything, little bro.

DAVID

Pretend you’re an uncle and get these kids to bed.

RICHIE

Sure, no problem.

DAVID

With you, there’s always a problem.

She works at her laptop.

MADDIE (V.O.)

Miraculously, I bounced back from my latest disappointment by coming in the office, locking myself in, looking over casework, balance sheets, and billing statements.

(A sound from Maddie’s laptop is heard)

Then it happened. I told myself not to look, not to acknowledge the potential invasion of my serenity. However, one little sound stopped me in my tracks. One turn of the head sent me back to my true feelings. My eyes were locked on the instant message: Are you okay? — D

My heart pounded and it sank at the same time. What is happening to us? We can’t seem to be in sync in the one place, the one activity we took for granted. My brain resisted, but my hands were two seconds faster. My fingers found its way to form the question I never imagined I’d have to ask

She says the words as she types them. Close-up on computer screen:

MADDIE (V.O.)

Will we ever get out of this slump?

TERRI

(She answers as Maddie just asked the question again)

... Sure you will... after the holidays.

MADDIE (V.O.)

It was her, not so subtle, way of reminding me of our bet. She was three quarters of the way to being thankful for saying, “I told you so” while I plan what I will have to serve for my Christmas party.

AGNES

I wouldn’t worry about it, Miss Hayes.

MADDIE

How can I not, Agnes? David’s parents are here. My parents will be here tonight. I'm not sure if David and I will have the time to get food for feast tomorrow.

JAMIE

You still didn’t get any food?

MADDIE

How can we? We’re never around long enough to notice what outfit either of us is wearing. I think this expansion of Blue Moon was a mistake. We’re busier than we have ever been. I even feel guilty for eating out for lunch. I know, in light of what is occuring in this country, throughout the world, my inconvenience is really insignificant, but I can’t help myself and how I feel.

TERRI

Why don’t you two let someone else do it for you?

MADDIE

Do what?

TERRI

The day-to-day things. The tedious and mundane paperwork. You don’t have the time to double and triple check anymore.

JAMIE

Yeah, Miss Hayes. You and Mr. Addison are doing way too much. It was fine when you had one office to maintain, but now you have four.

AGNES

Cutting down on actual casework also can help you.

MADDIE

Agnes, it’s not that simple. I’ve learned to enjoy the rush in catching criminals. I’m worried more for David. This is all he knows.

AGNES

I’m not saying give it up entirely. I’m saying to cut back.

TERRI

You have to stop being so hands on.

MADDIE

The trouble is, I’m used to balancing almost everything by myself. I’m not good at asking or receiving help.

TERRI

Maddie, it comes down to this, what would you rather hold on to? A stack of papers or David?

MADDIE

This is hard. It’s almost as hard as those first few months of marriage. I was so used to handling things on my own. I couldn’t stand the notion of me sharing my ways, my thoughts, my life with another person. As Agnes can tell you, sharing an office is much different from sharing a home. Sharing my true self with a man... a man I literally ran away from six years before. It can be unbearable at times. Needless to say, I had to learn to overcome this... I had two little reasons, other than my love for David. Our three-year old son, and Ashley was only a few months old. I needed to realize, I had to stop resisting. Thank goodness, I have a man who not only can put up with my nonsense, but loves me no matter how ridiculous I can make things.

(She looks around at all three woman)

I see your point. I’ll run it by David if or when we see each other before the sun goes down.

MADDIE (V.O.)

Needles to say, I continued to struggle with this decision. Either I delegate my responsibilities to others, or let my fireplace be the only thing that has any snap, crackle and pop in my house. So, I did what I knew will ease my tension...

(A hand grabs a cereal box)

I reached for an extra box of Rice Krispies.

A wider shot shows Maddie pushing a shopping cart filled with frozen turkey, vegetables, a few cans of cranberry sauce, and other food, which includes Twinkes and Ho-Ho’s.

DAVID

Well, it sounds like a good idea to me.

MADDIE

How come you never told me this before?

DAVID

‘Cuz I know you and I know how you’d react.

MADDIE

I went through... we went through building this business from scratch... twice. Can you blame me for being too attached?

DAVID

I guess that’s part of the reason.

He picks up two boxes of Stove Top Stuffing and puts them in the shopping cart.

MADDIE

What do you mean, part of the reason?

DAVID

I also know you enough to know not to answer that.

MADDIE

David, I want to know what that meant.

DAVID

Oh, no. You’re not suckering me into another fist full of insults.

Maddie stops the cart in the middle of the grocery aisle.

MADDIE (V.O.)

In the spirit of giving thanks, I thanked the opportunity to share my anger to his apparent evasiveness. David took a few more steps until he noticed I wasn’t stepping with him.

DAVID

(Looks behind him)

What are you waiting for? Half the store squeezing into the two lines that will accept more than twelve items? Let’s go.

MADDIE

Not until you tell me what you meant.

DAVID

(He sighs knowing it will spark another argument)

It’s just... you still have this tendency to be... somewhat... unyielding.

MADDIE

Unyielding?

DAVID

And...

MADDIE

And?

DAVID

Inflexible.

MADDIE

Inflexible! I married you, didn’t I?

DAVID

No matter what it is or what we’re dealing with, everything has to be rubber stamped with your seal of approval.

MADDIE

I had no choice! You're not exactly the person I can rely on to balance the books.

DAVID

We have an accounting department which has taken over for me very nicely.

MADDIE

David?

DAVID

We are doing too much work. We have to slow down and let someone else take over the steering wheel.

(Walks back to Maddie)

It’s not an accident Davey hasn’t been doing his homework... a month’s load of work I might add.

MADDIE

Are you saying it’s my fault?

DAVID

No. I’m saying it’s our fault. If we were home more than five minutes a day, we could have saved the imprompu parent-teacher conference. Honey, if we want our private life to go back to the way it was, we have to surrender our seat on the throne. Our kids at Blue Moon can take care of themselves. We taught them right from wrong, looking both ways before crossing the street, putting plastic bottles in the recycling bin. Maddie, they can take care of their chores without us. I’ve seen them do it.

MADDIE (V.O.)

I hate to admit this even now, but he was right... I make great efforts in avoiding it on a regular basis, but he was right. I do get into the habit of always being in control. I don't know why, I just do. It's how I deal with things... or not deal with things. This is precisely one of the reasons why I find myself in love with David. He helps me confront my faults whether I want to or not... whether I want to hear it or not. He never backs down from an opportunity to get into my face... Did I happen to mention I consider that to be incredibly sexy?

MADDIE

Only if they give us weekly reports.

DAVID

Two weeks.

MADDIE

Two weeks...?

(Reluctantly)

Deal.

DAVID

(Kind of surprised)

Deal?

MADDIE

Deal.

Maddie pushes the cart forward again.

MADDIE

So.

DAVID

So.

MADDIE

Who is it going to be?

DAVID

Gonna be?

MADDIE

We have to choose someone who will be in charge like the rest of our offices.

DAVID

We can’t.

MADDIE

We can’t? Why can’t we?

DAVID

Gotta wait until the next episode.

(Maddie steers the cart into another aisle)

But I know what can’t wait.

MADDIE

What’s that?

DAVID

Your answer to my riddle.

Maddie picks up two egg cartons.

MADDIE

You took over the job of The Riddler while I was gone?

DAVID

I’m practicing on my audition when Jim Carrey decides not to do the next "Batman" sequel.

(Maddie picks up a package of cheeder cheese)

C’mon, Maddie. You haven’t even guessed, yet?

MADDIE

If I guess, will you stop asking me?

DAVID

As long as you have the right answer.

MADDIE

Sex.

DAVID

Nope.

MADDIE

Not sex?

DAVID

Not sex.

MADDIE

I could have sworn it was sex.

DAVID

Be glad you didn’t swear. It would have changed our TV rating.

MADDIE

Are you sure it’s not sex? It sounded like it.

DAVID

Well, sex has something to do with it, but it doesn’t have to be. Okay, since you’re having such a hard time with this, I’ll give you a clue. It’s a feeling, not an act.

MADDIE

Lust.

DAVID

You think I’m that simple?

(Maddie looks at him)

Don’t answer that.

MADDIE

I give up.

DAVID

Wait a second, wait a second...

David's cell phone rings. He takes it out of his pocket, looks at Maddie.

DAVID

Wait a second...

(To Phone)

Yeah... are you sure...? that’s great. I’ll be over there in a few...

MADDIE

What's going on?

DAVID

They fixed the security system. Patrick wants me to see the finishing touches.

MADDIE

I’ll do it.

DAVID

(To Maddie)

Huh?

MADDIE

David, you’re supposed to pick up Dad and Stephanie from her mother’s house.

DAVID

Wasn’t Richie supposed to do that?

MADDIE

He was until –

DAVID

I get the point.

MADDIE

You do?

DAVID

I do. Responsibility plus dependability doesn’t equal Richie. I’ll pick them up after I get through with this.

He brings the phone up to his ear

MADDIE

You’ll pick them up after you drop me off.

DAVID

Maddie.

MADDIE

(She takes the phone away)

Hello, this is Maddie Hayes. Mr. Addison has other business to attend to. I’ll will be there instead... great. I’ll see you as soon as I can... bye bye.

She hangs up the phone and gives it to David.

DAVID

You didn’t have to do that, you know.

MADDIE

I know, but I wanted to.

(Smiles at him)

I think we have everything.

DAVID

Hold it, I forgot something.

He turns back, but Maddie takes his hand. He turns around. She holds a half gallon of chocolate milk. They smile at each other.

MADDIE (V.O.)

I met with the branch manager of this location, Patrick Stevenson. We examined the improvements of the security system. When the button was pushed, everyone watched with pride to see the project, they have been working on for months, finally coming to a successful conclusion.

MADDIE

Seems to be in fine shape to me.

PATRICK

You heard the lady. Let’s hit the road.

MADDIE (V.O.)

Everyone was happy they could get out and enjoy their extended holiday weekend... until Patrick looked over to the front door and said...

PATRICK

What’s the matter?

EMPLOYEE #1

This door isn't opening.

PATRICK

What do you mean, it isn't opening?

EMPLOYEE #1

It isn't opening.

The man yanks the doorknob, but the door won’t budge. Patrick walks to the door. He jiggles, pulls, then pushes the doorknob with no results. Patrick takes a few steps back and rams his shoulder into the door. All Patrick accomplished was a sore shoulder.

EMPLOYEE #2

Uh-oh.

MADDIE

(Gets concerned)

Uh-oh? Uh-oh, what?

EMPLOYEE #2

(To other co-workers)

We didn’t think about that.

MADDIE

About what? Can someone tell me what’s happening?

EMPLOYEE #2

(Walks over to Maddie)

Umm, the door is stuck.

MADDIE

I can see that. What I don’t see is where the “uh-oh” has anything to do with it.

EMPLOYEE #2

We can’t get out of here. We have to fix this bugaboo.

MADDIE

What are you talking about? You guys have the key.

PATRICK

The key alone won’t open the door.

Maddie turned around to see Patrick, still holding his shoulder, walking over to her.

EMPLOYEE #2

You see, we made it so only the people who know our code can open the door.

MADDIE

So what are we waiting for?

EMPLOYEE #2

To make the code. That’s the bugaboo.

MADDIE

Let me guess, this is one of the security enhancements.

EMPLOYEE #2

Uh-huh.

MADDIE

Great. How the hell am I going to get out of here?

PATRICK

Don’t worry, Miss Hayes. We’ll think of something.

MADDIE

If the something doesn’t include getting me out of here, then you’re out of luck.

PATRICK

In the meantime, I suggest you relax in your office. This may take a while.

MADDIE (V.O.)

This is the office Lou LaSalle used to occupy. David and I have taken it over. It’s not quite as big as our conference room, but it’s as comfortable since David and I redecorated it. I felt tired, so I sat down on one of the loveseats. I took my cell out of my purse and broke the news to David.

MADDIE

(To Phone)

David... hi, umm... I’m going to be here for a while.

DAVID (O.S.)

For how long? It was only supposed to take a few minutes.

MADDIE

They didn’t take the front door being stuck and not having a code to open it into account.

DAVID (O.S.)

This is all my fault. I never should have let you –

MADDIE

Let me?

DAVID (O.S.)

Let you go instead of me.

MADDIE

It doesn’t matter now. What matters is you doing me this favor.

DAVID (O.S.)

What is it?

MADDIE

My parents are about to arrive at LAX in about fifteen minutes.

DAVID (O.S.)

Say no more. I’m on my way out the door.

MADDIE

Wait, you can’t leave the children alone.

DAVID (O.S.)

They’re not alone. They have my parents to keep them company.

MADDIE

Be careful out there, David. There’s a lot of crazy people on the streets... other than you.

DAVID (O.S.)

I’m crazy all right... crazy for you.

MADDIE

I love you, David.

DAVID (O.S.)

I love you, Maddie

(kissing sound is heard)

Bye, baby.

MADDIE

(Sweetly)

Bye, baby.

She hangs up the phone and puts it back in her purse. She lays the purse on the coffe table. Maddie starts to give into the idea that she will be there for a long time. She takes off her pumps and rests her feet on the coffee table. She leans back on the loveseat. She closes her eyes and slowly drifts into a dream.

A wider shot of Maddie sitting on the loveseat with her eyes closed. The Stevie Wonder song “Creepin’,” starts her dream sequence. The door opens. David walks into the room. He goes over to Maddie, takes her arm and gently pulls her off the loveseat. He leads her to the middle of the room, then they start to dance.